Monday, July 8, 2013

Meat Pillow Erotica

The young man filled up the expensive looking pillow with pulled pork from pulled pork sandwiches. The pillow was now filled with pulled pork. The young man then disrobed and asked the woman to enter the room. She was already naked and asked,

"Did you bring the pillow, baby?"

The man replied, "Oh hell yes, I just prepared it a few minutes ago. I used the slow cooker."

The woman gasped, "You're getting me SO hot right now!"

"I seasoned the meats to perfection" he revealed.

"I belong to you mind, body, and spirit" the woman pulled out a juicy pillow of her own.

"I've been waiting so long for this moment", the man held his pillow high in the air, it began slowly leaking pulled pork juices on to his head.

"I need you!" The woman screamed as she raised her own delicious smelling but disgusting looking meat pillow over her own head.

The man slammed his meat pillow on the woman's head causing an explosion of pulled pork and brains to splash all around the room.

The woman, now with only half a face, slammed her pillow down on the man's head, bursting his skull and causing the room to now be entirely saturated with brains and pulled pork.

Now that the ritual is complete, we can live forever, the man said with his beautiful mind.

We can now be together forever in meat hell, the woman replied.

They lived happily ever after.


Sunday, June 30, 2013

FINE ART.


Problem Solving Solutions Part 1

A boy once decided that he would become hooked on heroin.

He drove through the streets looking for the perfect drug dealer.

He met one. His name was Hoochie Mama.

Hoochie Mama gave the boy the nastiest dirtiest heroine and crack he could find.

Now fulfilling his initial goal of getting hooked on heroine, the boy went looking for something even more hardcore...

He saw a butterfly land on a bush. He walked over and shoved the butterfly up into his brain through his nose, his eyeball fell out in the process.

One way to solve a problem is to offer an alternative.

To test this out, try going up to some one and ask them a personal question.

The boy was walking down a brightly lit road when he saw two women talking among themselves. Without introducing himself the young boy came near one of them.

"Wait, what did you just say?" He asked, shaking his right hand in their direction.

The two women ignored the young boy.

He went on to offer an extremely in-depth explanation of the unnatural coloration of his testicles, and how they seem to match a birthmark nested in-between his throat and clavicles exactly, coining his nickname, "Domino Neckballs."




Sunday, May 26, 2013

CAT NASTY the BUTT SCIENTIST BLOG

Wake up in the morning and perform  many back flips.
Turn on my microscope and study your mom's buttology-
Funny the resemblance between your face and A BUTT.
Cat Nasty was born inside of a space shark. He destroyed the shark in order to come to earth and meet the humans. They welcomed Cat Nasty with open arms and said "WELCOME CAT!"
Nobody knew the cat could speak English!

"Allow me to introduce your new God" was meowed.
The people were overtaken with relaxation
they quickly came to terms with their situation
"I have some toys for you" A man in the crowd screamed.
This angered the new owner of  mankind.
Who will win World War Meow?

                                                          CAT HAIR COOKIES
INGREDIENTS---
1 cup of flour
1/2 cup of brown sugar
1 egg
1/2 cup chocolate chips
1/2 lb of cat hair

DIRECTIONS---
mix flour, brown sugar, egg, and chocolate chips in a standard bowl. When mixture becomes thick slowly add cat hair pieces and form into 2" balls. Place on baking sheet and bake at 400 degrees for 10 minutes.